Eesti BMW Klubi

You expect the softest of purrs. But what you get is the sound of a Third World building site. What’s more, to make this jolly big car move, you have to give the accelerator pedal a fairly hefty shove. The result is a car that feels as lively as a fire station. This engine is fine in the off-road Toe Rag. But is emphatically not fine in the Phaeton.

Of course at this point dieselheads — who are like petrolheads only with dirty fingernails and nothing interesting to say — will claim that a little extra noise and a slight unwillingness to set off is a reasonable price to pay for all the benefits. To which I say, okay then, what benefits? Please don’t come at me with fuel consumption because this is a 5 litre V10 diesel. Parsimonious it is not, and what’s more it produces more carbon dioxide than a whole flock of cows.
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Almost all cars are ruined by the fitment of a diesel engine. In the same way that all wines, no matter how fine, would be ruined if they were served with a splash of crude oil.